The Unity God Desires: From Home to Church

Opening Prayer and Personal Reflection

Lord, we gather believing You can make this service alive through Your Word. May the Holy Spirit write on our hearts—comforting, convicting, and encouraging us. Set a watch before my lips and apply this message individually, as each person needs to hear it. Most of all, apply it again to me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

My wife and I recently celebrated 40 years of marriage. The greatest gift in my life, aside from Jesus, is my mate. But we’ve had our moments. Early on, we argued over whether to use a paper towel or a paper plate in our new microwave—a $400 luxury in 1985. It was a worthless discussion, especially from my perspective, since I didn’t need to direct my wife on kitchen matters. But we were so poor I was fixated on the cheapest way to keep it clean.

That incident taught me a vital truth: your relationships will only go as high as your conflict skills. To resolve problems requires two honest people.

The Foundational Laboratory: The Home

Unity starts at home. That’s why God instructs us to pick leaders who know how to lead their own households (1 Timothy 3:5). If we don’t learn unity there, we won’t make it to heaven. The home is where we first learn to fuse lives together—an exceptionally difficult task.

Every church I’ve ever served was, to be frank, a dysfunctional mess when I arrived. I initially resisted pastoral ministry because I didn’t want to throw my life into what often seemed like a "two-bit dog and pony show" where mediocrity was the norm. But when I surrendered to Christ’s call, I decided: either this Book is true and we live by it, or it’s false and we ought to find out immediately.

I discovered that unity and leadership are woven together. It takes leaders who are wise enough to listen, win trust, and love enough to listen longer than they want to. If you want a witnessing class, just practice listening. Most people are desperate for someone to care enough to hear them.

The Heart of Jesus’ Prayer: John 17

In John 17, Jesus prays for us. This chapter, referenced over 1,000 times by Ellen White, holds the key to Christian unity.

"I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them." (John 17:13)

Joy in the Journey. Jesus wants our joy to be complete. You don’t get to heaven by yourself, and you don’t get there without joy in the journey. God designed His family to be the place where people taste and see that the Lord is good before they’re merely told He’s good.

Early in my ministry, I served three churches. One became fruitful and joyful, one was okay, and one felt oppressive. Driving there, I could feel the spiritual heaviness. I wonder how much demons laugh when God’s remnant can’t do basic things together. That church sapped my life. Once, after a board member mocked my vision for the church, I had a panic attack—my first and only. I told God, "I don’t have to do this." But my wife reminded me of my calling. By God’s grace, that same church later became the sweetest, most fruitful group of people I’ve served.

You’re Either a Fountain or a Drain. God never intended His family to be a drain. In summer, parks have fountains. No kid needs to be told to stand in one to find relief from the heat. God’s family should be like that fountain—a source of refreshing joy. When you have converted, mature people, unity is easy. But we live in a world where everyone does what is right in their own eyes (Judges 21:25), and the church is not immune.

Sanctified by Truth. Jesus continues:

"I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth." (John 17:14-17)

We are to be in the world but not of it, keeping ourselves "unspotted from the world" (James 1:27). When you profess Jesus, people expect you to be like Him—especially at home, at church board meetings, and at work. It must be real.

If we never truly meet Jesus—reflecting on the infinite God divinely disabling Himself for us, bearing humanity’s marks forever—we’ll never reach conversion or maturity. Our marriages, children, and churches will suffer. But the living Christ is alive today. He wants joy for you, and He wants it to flow through you to others.

What Short-Circuits Joy? An electrician knows a short circuit robs power from its intended destination. When we bring the wrong things into our homes, hearts, or devices, we short-circuit the joy of the Lord. But at our best, churches become a big, happy family where joy in gathering is rewarded by divine providence—whether through saved souls or miraculous provision.

The Pinnacle of the Prayer: Oneness

"I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you... May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." (John 17:20-23)

This is staggering. Jesus asks that our unity with Him and each other would mirror the unity within the Godhead. When selfish human beings love each other with heavenly love, the world takes notice and says, "God must be real." But if we settle for a substandard Christian experience—an "I’m okay, you’re okay, leave me alone" attitude—we resign ourselves to a D-minus church life.

For every disunified church I inherited, I followed two tracks:

1. Lifting up Jesus and calling people back to cross-carrying faith.

2. Helping them rediscover their mission.

When both happened, board meetings became a delight, finances improved, and people were caught up in the joy of God’s family.

Practical Unity: Colossians 3

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another... And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 3:12-14)

This sounds like 1 Corinthians 13. Paul acknowledges it won’t always be easy—we must bear with one another. Here’s a simple but profound relational law:

When you like someone, you interpret their actions through a favorable lens. When you don’t like someone, you interpret their actions through an unfavorable lens.

Love "thinks no evil" (1 Corinthians 13:5). It puts the best construction on another’s actions. What if, after putting the best intention on an action, it’s still wrong? This tests our Christianity.

The Path Through Conflict:

1. Pray. It’s the foundation. Human situations are complex; we need God’s wisdom.

2. Go directly. As far as it depends on you, have a respectful, in-person conversation. Don’t solve problems by text.

3. Overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21)

4. Attack the issue, not the person. When disagreements over real issues arise, focus on the matter at hand.

5. Remember everyone has a story. Seek to understand before being understood.

A Test Case: Music and Honesty

When I arrived at one church, the music was a point of contention. People came to me saying, "That music has to go." I agreed it wasn’t edifying. But the young people involved hadn’t been taught better. The church often fails to teach sanctified living, settling for "whatever makes you feel good."

I waited. Nine months later, a natural break came. The music minister said the team couldn’t play during the summer. By summer’s end, I made the decision not to bring that particular style back. It cost us—some moved their memberships. I tried to make it as undramatic as possible, following the principle: "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him" (Matthew 18:15). Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Conclusion and Final Prayer

Let me summarize:

1. Don’t be someone people want to avoid. Be a fountain, not a drain.

2. Love people enough to be honest—with yourself and with them. Bear with one another. That’s how marriages last 40 years and children grow up under the shade of a functional family.

3. Put on love. It is the bond of perfection.

We are Seventh-day Adventists. We have a mission and unique truths that test us. But the hardest part of preparing people for baptism hasn’t been doctrine—it’s been lifestyle: how we dress, eat, watch, and spend. We live in an age of rationalization, making God into what we want. If you want to see Jesus’ face, get on your knees and say, "Lord, I’m listening. Speak."

Anybody want to be mature? Everybody want to be converted? Then you can have unity. Go about solving problems the way you’d want them solved for you.

Let’s pray: Lord, this church is unified, but it’s not perfect. There are stress fractures. Bless these people and their marriages. May husbands respect wives and wives be trustworthy, fostering lifelong growth. Bless the leaders. May the children be the most blessed, living under the shade of Your functional family. Some of us had troubled beginnings; everyone has a story. Help us bear with each other in love and patience. May none of us rationalize away a divinely guided obligation. We love You. We put our lives in Your hands. In Jesus’ name, Amen.